Melodic Scribes

Ryan: the srhot answer to your question is that I gave him access to the boards.

There's also a long answer to your question. Read on, McDuff:

Robert has been, as you know, handling the sale of the Fuck Macy's shirts. Well, as of the last week of January he had a bunch of outstanding orders and no t-shirts. So he places an order with Propaganda who, for reasons I could guess but probably shouldn't, take their sweet time printing the shirts he orders.

On February 6, the paypal address we all share gets this email:

Gerard7829@aol.com wrote:

how long does it take to get my Fuck Macy's shirt?  I paid via paypal on 1/29/06- still no shirt.  Did you rip me off>?

Naturally, we're all like, "sheesh" and "yo, Prof., where's the shirts at?" 

So the Professor, who has outstanding order that predate the 29th by this time, sends an explanatory email out to each of the outstanding orders. I never read it, but I imagine it went something like this: "our printer is a little miffed with us for or somewhat unprofessional behavior in the past and is taking longer than expected to print the most recent round of t-shirts, etc."

Then, on February 15, we get another email:

Gerard7829@aol.com wrote:

Ok Dude,

Here's the deal...when I get home from work tomorrow, there had better be a shirt on my front steps or a paypal refund of my money to this email address.  You should learn how to run a business before you scam people like me, because you're soon to find out what I am going to do about you ripping me off.

And naturally everyone who shares the paypal address is dying over this shit. I won't drag others into this intrigue by posting the comments they made at this guy's expense, but here's what I said:

I wrote:

Gentlemen,

Apparently Robert’s attempt at diplomacy wasn’t enough for Gerard7829.

This “feisty customer” of ours has really outdone himself this time though, and it’s taking every but of what little willpower I possess not to start a thread in the forum called “Gerard7829@aol.com -or- You should learn how to run a business before you scam people like me, because you’re soon to find out what I am going to do about you ripping me off” and inviting Jeff to explain the various failures of logic that no doubt contribute to the hilarious part where he recommends that one ought to possess some skill at successfully managing a business before one tries one’s hand at defrauding potentially violent men who possess a tenuous grasp on both the English language and reality.

Ah… Good times.

So we joked about this troglodyte for a few days, speculated about drives a man to this sort of behavior, etc. And then, just when we thought he was done with us, we get the following email two days later (February 17):

Gerard7829@aol.com wrote:

where is my shirt?  where is my fucking shirt you miserable fucking cunt  I can see that you want to handle this the hard way so...stayed tuned bitch

It is difficult for me to say what I like more about this one: the part where, unsure whether he ought to end his second thought with a period, exclaimation point or question mark, he just decides to go with no punctuation or the fact that he ends his missive with that vaguely threatening "stay tuned bitch." While what I called his "tenuous grasp on both the English language and reality" seem to be neatly and simultaneously demonstrated in the part where he becomes so incensed that he decides to go with no punctuation at all, any email that ends in an unspecified threat warms my heart.

Anyway, the next thing you know, he files a complaint with Paypal alledging that he has waited more than 30 days and still not received what he ordered. Those of you with your abbacus in hand who also remember how he placed his order on January 29 will have already realized that this is patently false. But, until his complaint is withdrawn, the Paypal acount is suspended and we couldn't have that so Matt gave him his $15 back. In the comments field, he also gave him a little something to think about:

Note to Buyer:
Gerard,

Here is your refund. I'm sorry that you were not patient enough to wait for the shirt. Your malicious comments were uncalled for. Your business is not welcome here in the future.

Good day.

But even having his funds returned and his childishness mocked in a decidedly curt email, as you may suspect, did not satisfy Gerard's burning desire to avenge the greatest betrayal of all (i.e. being expected to wait for more than two weeks for something ordered from the internet--Gerard obviously reached his majority only recently and therefore cannot recall with any clarity the days when one was expected to wait six to eight weeks when ordering anything).

Gerard's next move was to register in the NA fora. And, in order to confuse and befuddle us, he chose as his nickname "newathenssucks" but entered as his email address swchicago9999@aol.com (instead of Gerard7829@aol.com). Not having so much as a brain cell between us and no access to internet search engines, we were totally unequipped to google this email address and learn that he uses it frequently in this sort of pursuit: I found at least two other sites on which he had registered for the sole purpose of exacting his terrible revenge.

I mean, I didn't find them, because I'm totally fucking clueless and I'm fooled by stealth email accounts.

At any rate, some of you will already know that we don't let just anyone post on NewAthens.org: when someone first registers, he's not allowed to post in the main fora or read the secret fora. He's got to post something in one of the public fora (or call someone on the phone and say "hey, let me into the treehouse")and then we make him say "shibboleth" a few times and if he says it right, we grant him full reading and posting privileges.

So once Trevor and I see that Gerard has registered, we (inveterate pranksters and provokers of idiocy) decided that  it would be best to grant him posting privileges. But, as this email I sent to Trevor indicates, not full posting privileges:

I wrote:

Trevor,

In the interest of shenanigans, I’ve created a new group called Asellae (she-asses) and added him to it. As a member of the Asellae group, he is allowed to view and post wherever he wants but not to edit or delete his posts. He must also wait three minutes between posts.
  I also sent him an email from the admin@newathens.org address that reads thus:


This automated message from the New Athens Forum Mailer has been sent to your primary email address to inform you that your registration is complete and your viewing and posting privileges are no longer restricted.

Thanks for registering!


  Let the Good times roll!

Next thing you know, he posts his inaugural post :

Has anyone else been ripped off by the scumbag that runs this website?  I ordered a shirt from that asswipe 3 weeks ago and although he was quick to accept my money, he has not sent my shirt.  I will be spreading the news far and wide that this website and it's operator are not to be trusted!  Expect to see and hear about this web-wide soon.

This post, as you already know, is already one of the most celebrated posts in NewAthens.org's short history and the subject of great mirth.

As for the whole "report" thing, it's fairly simple. Having granted him posting priviliges, I also inadvertently granted him reporting privileges. If you're logged into PunBB and you're looking at any given post, you'll see a link that lets you "report" the post. When you do this, anyone who is a moderator or an administrator will find, upon his next log in, that he's got "new reports." If such a one clicks on this announcement, he's taken to a special area in PunBB where these (confidential) reports are displayed.

Gerard "reported" Colin's thread about Steven Segal: The Man and The Beverage. His "report" consisted of the text "he rips people off," (sic) and nothing else.

Which, we imagine, is the great and terrible retribution he's been promising for over a week. That was his big finish, his coup de grace, his horns of Jericho. His plan to spread "the news far and wide that this website and it's (sic) operator are not to be trusted," was contingent upon filing a report with the forum administrators and moderators. Who would then... issue a press release? Contact the AP?

Who knows what the thought process was. The point is that this guy is clearly what the medievals used to call an "energumen," i.e. dropsical, ritually unclean and probably suffering from some kind of mental illness, and that there probably wasn't anything resembling a "thought process."

In any event, we've probably heard the last from him--he's probably satisfied that by filing his report he has managed to undermine whatever little credibility the "operator" of NewAthens.org had managed to accumulate. But then again, perhaps we haven't. Perhaps at this very moment he's sitting in a room with Michael Moore and a half-dozen of the East Coast's hungriest young journalists, each one desperate to expose a scam and make himself into a Woodward/Bernstein of the digital age.

Last edited by Timothy (2006-02-22 05:40:58)